6 Tips On How To Build Her Confidence
For girls, their first period is not just a body crisis, it’s a self confidence crisis. Studies have shown that once girls hit puberty, they start to have issues answering questions with confidence and passion. The phrases “I don’t know” and “I’m not sure” start to become prevalent as a response to simple questions like, “what do you care about?” and “what makes you angry?”
Raising confident daughters isn’t always easy – 56% of girls lose confidence during puberty. You may know from your own experience that girls are more likely to blame themselves when something goes wrong, apologize when they give their opinion, overthink decisions, and dwell on mistakes. So, building self-esteem in girls is essential, and knowing how to raise a confident daughter can help them enjoy doing things #LikeAGirl.
If a child feels like she can’t improve, she often won’t even try. In psychology, this is called the fixed mindset, and girls are more at risk than boys. The growth mindset – understanding that your skills and abilities improve with practice – is key to building self-esteem and is an important tool in raising confident daughters.
What’s causing that to happen? Psychologist Roni Cohen-Sandler, author of “Easing Their Stress: Helping Them Thrive in the Age of Pressure,” observed a spike instress levels and psychological crises among young girls. She writes that young girls are “so busy living up to others’ expectations that they either don’t develop or eventually relinquish their own goals. They are so focused on achieving external emblems of success that they don’t get the chance to figure out what really excites them and gives them pleasure. They barely know who they are or who they want to become.”
Once they hit puberty, young girls are bombarded by messages, not just from the media, but also from their peers and friends about who they should be. It can be tough to sort out all those mixed signals, and stressful because it’s impossible to make everybody happy.
Encourage your daughter’s growth mindset through the kind of affirmation you give. Rather than praising the end result, or a fixed quality like intelligence, praise her effort, strategies, and determination – known as ''process praise''. This will make her feel celebrated for her persistence and help her bounce back from failures.
What to praise
Problem-solving strategies, e.g., ''I’m impressed that you thought of several ways to solve that problem.''
Seeking challenges, e.g., ''I’m proud of you for choosing to run that 10K race.''
Persistence, e.g., ''Well done! You worked really hard for that test''
What NOT to praise
Physical attractiveness, e.g., ''Your hair is so beautiful.''
Inherent intelligence, e.g., ''You’re so smart.''
In today’s time-pressured, hyper-connected world, all too often girls are chained to their desks or devices when they get home.
Part of raising confident daughters is about helping them test their boundaries – and where better to do that than outdoors. Rather than living life within the confines of a school or home environment, encourage her to head outside and try skateboarding, master cartwheels, or climb trees.
By testing her physical abilities – falling down and getting back up again – she’ll be able to identify her strengths and limits.
Helping your daughter identify and achieve her goals can help boost her self-esteem and improve her confidence. Try this simple task to get her started:
Encourage her to step out of her comfort zone by thinking of a goal she has.
Help her write down three steps she can take to achieve her goal.
Keep her on track by celebrating together each time she completes a step.
What makes girls happy (and healthy and powerful) is being themselves. To inspire girls to be true to themselves, Simmons founded the Girls Leadership Institute. But what can you personally do for your daughter? Simmons told Always the best thing moms can do to help their daughters during this time is to be an emotional refuge by validating their volatile emotions.
“Your mother validates your emotions — it’s okay to feel insecure, or fat, or betrayed, or anxious. Girls are questioning their feelings,” Simmons said. “Adolescence is such a storm for girls. In the best case scenario, your mom is a good refuge for you.”
As her mom, you’re the constant that keeps her confident. But how can you be there for her when she’s distancing herself? Get tips on staying close when she pulls away here.
Your daughter will face risk with more confidence if she has a healthy attitude towards failure and understands how to persevere.
Try building self-esteem in girls with this activity:
Do a little research on a person your daughter admires and uncover a misstep that occurred on her hero's path to success. A good example might be someone like J.K. Rowling, whose Harry Potter manuscript was rejected by publishers 12 times before she secured a book deal. |
| |
Whoever your daughter's hero is, what kind of issues did they face? What role did perseverance play in their achievements? How did they keep chipping away at the challenge? |
| |
Remind your daughter of this the next time she has a setback. |
Raising confident daughters means making sure that missteps don’t stop her in her tracks. Follow these tips to help her shake off setbacks with self-kindness.
• Empathize. Encourage your daughter by saying ''I know this is hard, and I’m sorry to hear that,'' instead of ''It’s not a big deal!''
• Encourage her to own her next step. Help her to regroup and plan her next move by asking her to write down some new small goals.
• Model the growth mindset. When a girl sees her parents embracing challenges, learning from setbacks and being kind to themselves, it gives her the confidence to do the same.
Puberty is a difficult time, so help your daughter understand that it’ll be OK by:
• Admitting that you had a hard time during puberty, too. It will affirm her feelings.
• Explaining how you rose above it. That way, she’ll understand that she will, too.
• Putting your experiences on paper or swapping stories in emails. This can be a great way to open up discussions if she doesn’t like to talk about her emotions.
Sources:
“Easing Their Stress: Helping Them Thrive in the Age of Pressure” by PsychologistRoni Cohen-Sandler
“Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls” by Rachel Simmons
More info
Is it time to talk to your daughter about sexual feelings and relationships? Read this article
6 Tips On How To
Build Her Confidence
For girls, their first period is not just a body crisis, it’s a self confidence crisis. Studies have shown that once girls hit puberty, they start to have issues answering questions with confidence and passion. The phrases “I don’t know” and “I’m not sure” start to become prevalent as a response to simple questions like, “what do you care about?” and “what makes you angry?”
Raising confident daughters isn’t always easy – 56% of girls lose confidence during puberty. You may know from your own experience that girls are more likely to blame themselves when something goes wrong, apologize when they give their opinion, overthink decisions, and dwell on mistakes. So, building self-esteem in girls is essential, and knowing how to raise a confident daughter can help them enjoy doing things #LikeAGirl.
If a child feels like she can’t improve, she often won’t even try. In psychology, this is called the fixed mindset, and girls are more at risk than boys. The growth mindset – understanding that your skills and abilities improve with practice – is key to building self-esteem and is an important tool in raising confident daughters.
What’s causing that to happen? Psychologist Roni Cohen-Sandler, author of “Easing Their Stress: Helping Them Thrive in the Age of Pressure,” observed a spike instress levels and psychological crises among young girls. She writes that young girls are “so busy living up to others’ expectations that they either don’t develop or eventually relinquish their own goals. They are so focused on achieving external emblems of success that they don’t get the chance to figure out what really excites them and gives them pleasure. They barely know who they are or who they want to become.”
Once they hit puberty, young girls are bombarded by messages, not just from the media, but also from their peers and friends about who they should be. It can be tough to sort out all those mixed signals, and stressful because it’s impossible to make everybody happy.
Encourage your daughter’s growth mindset through the kind of affirmation you give. Rather than praising the end result, or a fixed quality like intelligence, praise her effort, strategies, and determination – known as ''process praise''. This will make her feel celebrated for her persistence and help her bounce back from failures.
What to praise
Problem-solving strategies, e.g., ''I’m impressed that you thought of several ways to solve that problem.''
Seeking challenges, e.g., ''I’m proud of you for choosing to run that 10K race.''
Persistence, e.g., ''Well done! You worked really hard for that test''
What NOT to praise
Physical attractiveness, e.g., ''Your hair is so beautiful.''
Inherent intelligence, e.g., ''You’re so smart.''
In today’s time-pressured, hyper-connected world, all too often girls are chained to their desks or devices when they get home.
Part of raising confident daughters is about helping them test their boundaries – and where better to do that than outdoors.Rather than living life within the confines of a school or home environment, encourage her to head outside and try skateboarding, master cartwheels, or climb trees.
By testing her physical abilities – falling down and getting back up again – she’ll be able to identify her strengths and limits.
Helping your daughter identify and achieve her goalscan help boost her self-esteem and improve her confidence. Try this simple task to get her started:
Encourage her to step out of her comfort zone by thinking of a goal she has.
Help her write down three steps she can take to achieve her goal.
Keep her on track by celebrating together each time she completes a step.
What makes girls happy (and healthy and powerful) is being themselves. To inspire girls to be true to themselves, Simmons founded the Girls Leadership Institute. But what can you personally do for your daughter? Simmons told Always the best thing moms can do to help their daughters during this time is to be an emotional refuge by validating their volatile emotions.
“Your mother validates your emotions — it’s okay to feel insecure, or fat, or betrayed, or anxious. Girls are questioning their feelings,” Simmons said. “Adolescence is such a storm for girls. In the best case scenario, your mom is a good refuge for you.”
As her mom, you’re the constant that keeps her confident. But how can you be there for her when she’s distancing herself? Get tips on staying close when she pulls away here.
Your daughter will face risk with more confidence if she has a healthy attitude towards failure and understands how to persevere.
Try building self-esteem in girls with this activity:
Do a little research on a person your daughter admires and uncover a misstep that occurred on her hero’s path to success. A good example might be someone like J.K. Rowling, whose Harry Potter manuscript was rejected by publishers 12 times before she secured a book deal. |
| |
Whoever your daughter’s hero is, what kind of issues did they face? What role did perseverance play in their achievements? How did they keep chipping away at the challenge? |
| |
Remind your daughter of this the next time she has a setback. |
Raising confident daughters means making sure that missteps don’t stop her in her tracks. Follow these tips to help her shake off setbacks with self-kindness.
• Empathize. Encourage your daughter by saying ‘I know this is hard, and I’m sorry to hear that,’ instead of ‘It’s not a big deal!’
• Encourage her to own her next step. Help her to regroup and plan her next move by asking her to write down some new small goals.
• Model the growth mindset. When a girl sees her parents embracing challenges, learning from setbacks and being kind to themselves, it gives her the confidence to do the same.
Puberty is a difficult time, so help your daughter understand that it’ll be OK by:
• Admitting that you had a hard time during puberty, too. It will affirm her feelings.
• Explaining how you rose above it. That way, she’ll understand that she will, too.
• Putting your experiences on paper or swapping stories in emails. This can be a great way to open up discussions if she doesn’t like to talk about her emotions.
Sources:
“Easing Their Stress: Helping Them Thrive in the Age of Pressure” by PsychologistRoni Cohen-Sandler
“Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls” by Rachel Simmons
More info
Is it time to talk to your daughter about sexual feelings and relationships? Read this article